Well I’ve jumped on the blogging wagon, mainly just to get things off my chest. I’ve had MANY good things happen recently in my life and many difficult things happen lately and they have caused me to sit and just re-evaluate my life. After sitting and thinking about all these things I realized I have done some pretty lousy things and some pretty amazing things. I’m glad it’s the end of the year and that I can essentially “start over” for the New Year. Don’t get me wrong, my life is pretty darn good right now there are just a few things I would like to change.

Let me first start by saying that if I was never, ever, ever given the opportunity to change anything right now in my life I would be okay with that.

If, however I was given the opportunity to change a few things I would want to change the way I have strayed away from the church. I know people who hear this always initially think, well why did you stop going to church in the first place. Well, it’s not that I didn’t want to go to church..trust me, those who don’t attend mass, or have belief in some faith probably can’t understand this but going to church makes you feel secure in your surroundings. I can’t even try and explain it because it won’t make sense. But, I will tell you I miss that.

Given the events that have happened in the last few weeks have made me realize just how much I miss the closeness to the church I used to have. Most people when bad things happen to them and they can’t understand the reason blame God. They stop praying, they stop going to church and some even wonder how someone so great could do these horrible things to them. After my miscarriage, surprisingly I wasn’t mad. I wasn’t mad at the way the dr. told us what had happened, I wasn’t mad at my family for telling people we were pregnant so soon, I wasn’t mad at myself for getting so excited so soon, and I surely wasn’t mad at God. I think this is mainly because I believe, and have always believed that things will happen for a reason, both good and bad things. They happen so we can ultimately be prepared for something worse, or something better. Unlike us, God can see the future, for goodness sakes he “lays it out for us” so he knows when something isn’t going to work out or is going to work out, thus the good things and bad things that happen to us everyday. I fully trust in him. Blame that on my very catholic parents for instilling this in me while growing up, blame it on Sr. Prudentia who drilled in us everyday prayers, and catechism, or I can just attribute it everyone who ever tried to help me see that having faith in something, no matter what it is is a HUGE part of a person’s life. I may not be able to go to lunch with God and vent. I may not be able to hear him when he answers my prayers, and I may never know the reasons he does the things he does, but I find a certain level of comfort in coming to him just to talk. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t answer back (vocally that is), maybe it’s because I trust him to the utmost degree. I don’t know. I just know my faith has proven to give me more than I ever could have imagined. When I was young I couldn’t wait until I didn’t have to go to school and study religion. I couldn’t wait to not have to go to church every morning with my class, and I certainly couldn’t wait till I got to chose if I was going to go to church on Sunday or not. Now, after a few years of not going to church every Sunday I can surely say that I miss that.

I think my biggest problem is that I don’t like going to church alone. I always went with someone to church I don’t have anyone now to do that with, so I think that is a big contributor to my lack of attendance. This will definitely change VERY soon.

My next change I would like to make is talking. God, I talk a lot…..I know I bother Brian with all my talking, and I know if I were to stop talking so much he would probably wonder what was wrong. It’s so weird because growing up with my huge family I always wanted to be alone. I wanted people to knock before coming in my room. I wanted my mom to stop calling me so many times to see where I was or what I was doing. I wanted my little sisters to stop talking so much and let me just relax. Then, when I lived on my own I missed it. I was always over there, or with Brian or other people. I don’t even have much to say most of the time, I just find things to talk about because I feel obligated to talk. SOooooo..BIG change here…less talking!!

Last but not least, I need to appreciate my husband more. I do appreciate him more than anything right now, but I think I could definitely appreciate him more. He does a lot for me and he doesn’t even know it. I appreciate all the sacrifices, both big and small that he has made for me, for us. I appreciate him trying to do things he never used to do. I appreciate how much he loves me…and how much he loves my family. I just think I could do a better job showing him how much I love and appreciate him. So, I’m going to try and things of some ways to show him that..instead of just telling him.