So we had our follow up appointment at the Dr. Today….I was so nervous going into the appointment mainly because I didn’t know what he was going to tell us. I didn’t want him to tell us he couldn’t find anything on the tests because even though I know we promised not to rack our brains thinking of what it could be I know I would. I didn’t want him to tell us it was something I did (highly unlikely) but still possible. I guess I don’t know what I wanted him to tell us..I just wanted a little bit of reassurance that Brian and I were okay, and that when we were ready to have another baby we could…..After he told us there were no hormone or chromosome problems, I let out a huge sigh of relief. I actually was a little excited. This was just what I wanted to hear. I was sooooooo happy. I’m sure Brian could tell and was wondering how news like this (associated with what happened 2 weeks prior) could be good news…I guess in the midst of all the bad news, this was as good as it was going to get for me. Then Brian asked the sex of the baby…I wanted to know, but I didn’t. I wanted to know so I didn’t spend the next few years wondering. I didn’t want to know because I knew it would be a little more painful for me to find out it was a girl…and a little more painful for Brian to find out it was a boy…..
Well, it was a boy…and it was just as devastating for me to hear that. I don’t know what it is but..my husband is attractive..of course I think that..but when you picture your husband being a dad they instantly become 100x more attractive. When we first found out we were having a baby I pictured Brian holding this tiny little person..part me and part him (hopefully more me…just kidding) and I might have even started crying ….maybe it was the hormones J I just can’t tell you how different he looked to me when I thought of that…He would have been----WILL BE a great dad…and I can’t wait for that.
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