Love is in the Air...

Did you ever wonder why so many people get engaged over the holidays? Whether it be on Christmas eve, Christmas day, or New Years Eve or New Years Day…..Yes, I personally got engaged over the holidays, but it was special to me not because it was Christmas time, but because my (current) husband made it special by telling me how he waited until midnight on the day we started dating one year ago. That made it so much more special then the whole, oh it’s christmas, perfect time to get engaged part. I also especially like the way it happened because it just fit us. Our non-perfect, non-fancy, take it as it comes lifestyles. While he did probably think it was nerveracking and maybe even rude I made him wait until after Will and Grace was done, and while I thought I was extremely inconsiderate (after I found out what was happening) we both got a good laugh out of it, and I’m sure our kids and grandkids will some day laugh at that story as well.

Back to my main point about this random blog….Is there a real reason everyone chooses the same time of the year pretty much to get engaged??? Maybe because all your family is together? Perhaps it’s so you can be the center of attention during the entire holiday, or maybe, just maybe your significant other finally realized they loved you so much that they couldn’t wait one single day more to ask you to be with them till the end.

The year of the wedding was very hectic. We spent all year and a half planning little wedding details and big wedding details. But I have to say the year after our wedding was far more hectic the year before; and we thought things would settle after the new year…who were we kidding. We moved into our super nice, super roomy apartment, and bought two new puppies who I couldn’t imagine spending one day without now. We got pregnant, lost our baby, mourned together…and started to pick up the pieces of something that in my opinion hurt more than I ever imagined it would. We made it through the holiday parties, fantasy football, and all our family and friend get togethers. Things are finally starting to settle down. I look at our life together now and things are calm, simplistic, and at times even boring. We're living our life one day at a time, completing the mundane tasks we force ourselves to do such as let the dogs out, clean, do laundry, and go to the grocery store. Our biggest upcoming event in our lives right now is vacation. We have no immediate plans to make any drastic changes with our lives, no additional major career moves in the foreseeable future, and the addition of more pets is out of the question unless we move to a bigger place with our own yard, which probably won’t be happening THAT soon. Basically, this is it. For now. And to tell you the truth? I love it. It's minimal stress with maximum happiness. This is life after the wedding and I kind of like it. Wait, no, I LOVE it. Oh sure we bicker about the little stuff, like who's the bigger slackass around the house, but that's typical. Most of the time, there's a lot of butt pinching and ssf’s being tossed about because we're young and sometimes immature, because we still think bodily functions are gross yet funny at the same time. Sometimes we talk politics and other "grown up" speak, and sometimes I'm laughing at him while he sings around the apartment. We're the best of friends and I couldn't have found a better match.So to those of you who are newly engaged or newly married, take note and know that there's something to look forward to. A lot of somethings, actually.

Almost Christmas...

Well, I've made it through the holiday season, almost. It has been difficult, and I'm sure it's been difficult for the for the people around me as well. I am trying my hardest to not let my mood affect those around me, mainly becasue I have no right to make their holiday so miserable....

I had this horrible dream last night about Christmas...Brian and I woke up and realized that there really was a Santa...he left us so many gifts....so we started to open them and they were all gifts for our new baby....how cruel?!?!?!?! Why would anyone put us through that..but before I could even finish the thought, SANTA, yes..SANTA came walking out into the living room carring our baby...It was so weird..... I think these kinds of dreams should be banned. People shouldn't be able to dream about things that are never going to happen.

We will soon start our trek to all the families houses for Christmas and I'm sure every little thing will remind me of how much I was looking forward to being pregnant this Christmas because that meant that in a few months we would be new parents....

All the wrapping is done, the shopping is done..now it's just get through everything....I know it's selfish to ask for help getting through these next few days, but I really need it as I'm sure Brian might at times too...I promise next year I won't be so grinch like at Christmas!!!!

LOVE SANTA!!

Dude! Santa wrote me back!
Check it out:

Dear Sara,
I am not a genie in a bottle, nor am I God. I cannot create miracles. I'm merely a jolly old man in a red suit. I suggest you go to the gym more often and leave the cookies for me. As for the more practical items on your list (all two of them), I'll work on it. But you need to learn to at least ACT surprised and pleased with gifts that you do not like from your family. If you don't, then it's lumps of coal next year and I'll give the winning lottery ticket to that girl from kindergarten that stole your boyfriend.

And don't scoff. It's not very pretty of you. You could also learn to cut back on the cursing and ease up on your backseat driving.

Santa

My Letter to Santa

Dear Santa,
As I'm sure you're already aware, I've been a very good girl this year. So! Allow me to cut to the chase and give you my list of wishes...all of which I know you're just dying to fulfill for me.1. World Peace. (I feel obligated to start with this, because, well, it just seems like the right thing to do. It's what Brangelina would ask for, I bet.)2. A dirt devil broom. I know, how lazy am I…it just would be nice because maybe the husband would want to sweep once and awhile too…dontcha think?

3. Perfume. So I can shower less.

4. A freezer so we can buy lots and lots of meat!! (NEVERMIND! Mom got this one for me already. Thanx anyway!)

5. A Cherry Pitter—I know, not a necessity, but I can’t even tell you how afraid I am to eat Big Cherries, (and I LOVE THEM) because I’m afraid I’ll choke on a pit. Thanks Santa! 6. A body like hers, except less pregnant. Not that she is showing yet, but uh, you know what I mean.

6. A body like Jessica Alba, except less pregnant. Not that she is showing yet, but uh, you know what I mean.

7. And since you're hopefully bringing me a new body, could you also bring some new clothes? Otherwise, I'd be nekkid and while I'm sure everyone would want to see that - with my new Jessica Alba body and all - it's winter, and I would be cold.8. The metabolism of a hummingbird would be cool too. Ya know, to keep my new body looking like it should and still be able to eat my weight in cookies whenever I feel like it. I bet Jessica Alba has NEVER eaten her weight in cookies and really? What kind of life is that? A sad one, that's what.I think that's enough.

If you can give me even HALF of these things, I'll be forever grateful. Next year, feel free to just give me a winning lottery ticket or something small like that.

Thanks,
Love,
Sara

St. Nick Day

St. Nick comes tonight.
I remember how excited we were to see what we were going to get in our stockings. When I was in elementary school I prayed for “cool” colored pens and lip gloss. As I got older, gas gift cards and McDonalds Coupons, etc were always nice. Now, I get more satisfaction in watching other people open their stockings.
I used to think I would miss it, because I mean, if there is one thing Brian has taught me it’s, “who doesn’t like free stuff?”

Yea, sometimes I do miss it, but overall I just love watching other people open them up and see what the big guy has brought them. This year I’m filling Brian’s stocking and the dogs. It should be fun. I’m excited. I’m not sure if Brian thoroughly enjoys the whole St. Nick day tradition my family follows, but I can’t imagine not doing it. He will get the traditional candy but I have a few other surprises I’m going to slip in there as well. I hope he likes it.

The dogs on the other hand will like it no matter what, I already know it. J

I’m trying to prep myself for the Christmas baking weekend, but being in such a blah christmas mood is putting a damper on the plans. Hopefully something will happen that will trigger my desire to celebrate the holidays this year…SOON!

Here are some Santa Stats for you until the next blog…(not that anyone can read this anyway….)

Santa Stats
U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus and one under Kriss Kringle
December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
Number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,000 times the speed of sound).
At that speed, Santa and his reindeers would instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's atmosphere just like meteors.

I have made it a priority to make myself into a better person. Physically that is. I am working so hard on losing weight, and eating right. I am getting my hair done right before Christmas; I’m just working hard it this time. I feel like my husband didn’t marry me so I could turn into some ugly, extremely overweight blah of a person. I want to be a better looking person for myself, but for him too. I want him to be excited to be with me. I want him to look at me and think, wow, she is beautiful. I know people say over and over again that you can say you are going to lose weight over and over again but it’s a whole other thing to get out there and do it. I am up for the challenge this time.

A few years ago a “friend” of mine, or prior friend made a comment that hurt my feelings probably more than anything anyone has ever said to me. She said she could imagine anyone ever wanting to have sex with me, or do anything with me for that matter unless they were drunk. Every time I think about it I cry…There are a lot of things I’m not happy with about myself, but everyone has those things they don’t like about themselves, but I guess I never thought those things were that bad that she would say something like that. When I started dating Brian things got so much better. They way he treated me and talked to me, etc made me feel like what she said was insignificant. It felt so good.

Now, I look at myself and see someone that has gained weight since then, is whiter than white, and just overall doesn’t look very attractive. There are things I like about myself, but there are a few things I wish I could change. I cry when I’m alone because I can’t help but think that the reason Brian and I don’t really have sex is because of this. He has told me over and over again, it’s not. He even went to the dr to get stuff checked out and he was told the cause of the issue, but I can’t help but think what that “friend” said is coming back to haunt me. That is why the no-sex thing bothers me so much. I’m not needy where I need it all the time, but we very rarely have sex and everytime I think about it I cry because what if that person was right, even partially.

I got all these cute “outfits” for my bridal shower/personal shower and don’t use them. I had to pack them up because I couldn’t stand looking at them every time I went into the closet for socks. Sometimes I can’t believe people are as hurtful as they are. I could never say something like that to someone, EVER!!!

So, here’s to trying harder, looking better, and someday being able to unpack those cute little “outfits.” J

Well Black Friday has come and gone and I made it out alive. I did a bit of shopping, but nothing major. I bought a few things here and there and well, of course some decorations. I usually love, and I mean absolutely love decorating for the holidays, but this year I can’t get into the swing of things. I’m still stuck on the fact that this was supposed to be the last Christmas before I could go buy gifts for our baby, the last Christmas I could bake cookies without a baby wanting to be held, our last Christmas where I could be able to decorate and make all my Christmas cards..After we lost the baby I had a brief moment where I took a huge breath and thought, well at least things aren’t going to change so quick. Then I had time to think about it, and I realized why I was so excited after we found out we were going to be parents.

I couldn’t wait to be woken up on Christmas morning by either a crying baby, a cooing baby, or a toddler pulling on my sheets because “Santa” had come. I could handle only making 20 kinds of Christmas cookies after this year. I may even be able to handle shopping for some extra presents next year J And, I would willingly pack away all the candles, and the tinsel just to ensure the baby didn’t get into them.

I find myself crying more often now. When I’m shopping and I see those little onesies that say, Santa’s helper, or Baby’s first Christmas I cry. When I see a pregnant mom, I cry. When I see a mom holiday shopping with her overly excited kids, I cry….I thought I was passed it, but I can’t seem to shake this feeling. That’s why Christmas isn’t fun and exciting for me this year. I barely decorated our tree, the house is so plain compared the every other year. I just can’t get in the swing of things.

Since, I’m a little old to sit on Santa’s lap and tell him the only thing I want this year, I’ll try and be content knowing that someday I’ll be a mommy, and I’ll be able to sit back and know that it was worth the wait.


For now, my puppies will have to enjoy the Christmas stocking and presents I wrap up for them. I’m sure they won’t mind!